I love to smile. My mom has always told me my smile is a gift that I can give to other people, and I believe that sentiment is true. But sometimes a kind smile is the last thing you need to share when you find yourself in uneasy or dangerous circumstances. My husband thinks about our families personal safety ALOT and recently he sent me “Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast: Best Lifesaving Lessons” (when you’re in a life threatening situation). These podcasts dig into 4 decades of Oprah’s work and pull out the highlights, they are worth a listen!

Here are two important safety lessons that were discussed:

NEVER go to a second location with an attacker.
TRUST your gut.

Now the first lesson is straight forward, never go to a second location with an attacker because you’ll find more help in a crowded street as opposed to an isolated location. But the second lesson is tricky, trust your gut. I believe trusting your gut starts small, the more we practice listening to our “small inner voice” the safer we will be. I’ve had to do a lot of personal work with my counselor and life coach around the idea that “you don’t always have to be nice.” Like most southern women, reared in a partricarchial culture, I was taught it was rude to talk over a man or walk away, even when I felt at odds with what he was saying. I was also taught that it was bitchy to appear to be strong and assertive. Lastly, if I had a nickel for overtime I heard a man in Alabama say “women are way too emotional, they need to keep their feelings to themselves” I’d be rich!

All of these cultural lessons divide women from their bodies. We slowly and systematically stop trusting our gut, we neglect to hear our inner voices, we deny our basic needs, and eventually we end up discouraged, depressed, endangered, and possibly even dissociated!

So how do we rewire these oppressive mantras that control our every move? First off, we start to trust our guts. We take small steps and notice what we are feeling, without judging ourselves harshly. The podcast expressed how utterly important it is to BELIEVE your fear.

When a person walks into a room and the hair on your neck stands up, LEAVE.
When someone uses their size to intimidate you and your palms get sweaty and your heart starts racing, GET OUT OF THERE.

The reason my husband wanted me to listen to the podcast is because I smile. I even go out of way to try to include (perhaps heal) people that give me the creeps. Thankfully with the help of professionals I’ve started to listen to my gut in real time. I’ve been working hard to untangle those old cultural mantras that benefit the privileged few and believe I have every right to feel and say exactly what I need to.

I hope I don’t pass on weird cultural and patriarchal expectations to my children. I hope they will listen to the their beautiful God-given bodies. I hope they won’t second guess their flight instinct for the sake of being “nice” or “healing” someone.

I feel the snickers from my more evolved friends that already have this down pat. But I hope as a community we’ll support each other in raising whole children. Children that are comfortable in their own skin. Children that note the hairs standing up on the back of their necks. Children that run from a room when they sense something is off. And may we all have the insight as adults to model what it looks like everyday to trust our guts.

Teaching My Kids Not to Smile, Fear and Safety